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Today's Joke

You Know You're Getting Older When:

  • Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
  • The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
  • You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.
  • Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
  • You get winded playing cards.
  • Your children begin to look middle aged.
  • You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
  • You're still chasing men but can't remember why.
  • You join a health club, but don't go.
  • You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
  • Your mind makes contracts that your body can't keep.
  • "25 Years Ago Today", is your favorite part of the newspaper.
  • A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
  • You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
  • You look forward to a dull evening.
  • You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals.
  • You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
  • You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.
  • After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.
  • Dialing long distance wears you out.
  • You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.
  • You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
  • The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.
  • You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.
  • Your back goes out more often than you do.
  • A fortune teller offers to read your face.
  • The little gray haired person who you help across the street is your spouse.
  • You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

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