PARENT'S GLOSSARY OF KIDS KITCHEN TERMS

• APPETIZING:
  Anything advertised on TV.
• BOIL:
  The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic "Yuck" before a food is even tasted.
• CASSEROLE:
  Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.
• CHAIR:
  Spot left vacant by mid-meal bathroom visit.
• COOKIE (LAST ONE):
  Item that must be eaten in front of a sibling.
• CRUST:
  Part of a sandwich saved for the starving children of another country.
• DESSERTS:
  The reason for eating a meal.
• EVAPORATE:
  Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes.
• FAT:
  Microscopic substance detected visually by children on pieces of meat they do not wish to eat.
• FLOOR:
  Place for all food not found on lap or chair.
• FORK:
  Eating utensil made obsolete by discovery of fingers.
• FRIED FOODS:
  Gourmet cooking
• FROZEN:
  Condition of children's jaws when Spinach is served.
• FRUIT:
  A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.
• GERMS:
  The only thing kids will share freely.
• KITCHEN:
  The only room not used when eating crumbly snacks.
• LEFTOVERS:
  Commonly described as "gross."
• LIVER:
  A food that affects genes, creating a hereditary dislike.
• LOLLIPOP:
  A snack provided by people who don't have to pay dental bills.
• MACARONI:
  Material for a collage.
• MEASURING CUP:
  A kitchen utensil that is stored in the sandbox.
• NAPKIN:
  Any warm cloth object, such as shirt or pants.
• NATURAL FOOD:
  Food eaten with unwashed hands.
• NUTRITION:
  Secret war waged by parents using direct commands, camouflage, and constant guard duty.
• PLATE:
  A breakable Frisbee.
• REFRIGERATOR:
  A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being used as an art gallery.
• SALIVA:
  A medium for blowing bubbles.
• SODA POP:
  Shake'N Spray.
• TABLE:
  A place for storing gum.
• TABLE LEG:
  Percussion instrument
• THIRSTY:
  How your child feels after you've said your final "good night."
• VEGETABLE:
  A basic food known to satisfy kid's hunger —but only by sight.
• WATER:
  The cola of underdeveloped countries.