You Know You're Getting Older When:
Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere. Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D. You get winded playing cards. Your children begin to look middle aged. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall. You're still chasing men but can't remember why. You join a health club, but don't go. You begin to outlive enthusiasm. Your mind makes contracts that your body can't keep. "25 Years Ago Today", is your favorite part of the newspaper. A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. You look forward to a dull evening. You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals. You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. Your knees buckle and your belt won't. You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation. After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat. Dialing long distance wears you out. You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer. You just can't stand people who are intolerant. The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off. You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm. Your back goes out more often than you do. A fortune teller offers to read your face. The little gray haired person who you help across the street is your spouse. You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.