PARENT'S GLOSSARY OF KIDS KITCHEN TERMS
APPETIZING: Anything advertised on TV. BOIL: The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic "Yuck" before a food is even tasted. CASSEROLE: Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together. CHAIR: Spot left vacant by mid-meal bathroom visit. COOKIE (LAST ONE): Item that must be eaten in front of a sibling. CRUST: Part of a sandwich saved for the starving children of another country. DESSERTS: The reason for eating a meal. EVAPORATE: Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the table or wash dishes. FAT: Microscopic substance detected visually by children on pieces of meat they do not wish to eat. FLOOR: Place for all food not found on lap or chair. FORK: Eating utensil made obsolete by discovery of fingers. FRIED FOODS: Gourmet cooking FROZEN: Condition of children's jaws when Spinach is served. FRUIT: A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert. GERMS: The only thing kids will share freely. KITCHEN: The only room not used when eating crumbly snacks. LEFTOVERS: Commonly described as "gross." LIVER: A food that affects genes, creating a hereditary dislike. LOLLIPOP: A snack provided by people who don't have to pay dental bills. MACARONI: Material for a collage. MEASURING CUP: A kitchen utensil that is stored in the sandbox. NAPKIN: Any warm cloth object, such as shirt or pants. NATURAL FOOD: Food eaten with unwashed hands. NUTRITION: Secret war waged by parents using direct commands, camouflage, and constant guard duty. PLATE: A breakable Frisbee. REFRIGERATOR: A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being used as an art gallery. SALIVA: A medium for blowing bubbles. SODA POP: Shake'N Spray. TABLE: A place for storing gum. TABLE LEG: Percussion instrument THIRSTY: How your child feels after you've said your final "good night." VEGETABLE: A basic food known to satisfy kid's hunger —but only by sight. WATER: The cola of underdeveloped countries.