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Today's dumb lists

Saturday, January 18, 2020

Weighty Issue

If you answer "yes" to eight or more of the following questions, you may want to consider restricting your daily calorie intake:

  • Has your neighborhood grocery store ever offered to send you a limo?
  • After ordering lunch at a fast-food drive-through window, has it ever been delivered to your car on a hand truck?
  • Within the last month, have you burned out more than two refrigerator bulbs?
  • Do people often decide to follow you up on the next elevator?
  • Has your fork ever suddenly come up missing?
  • Have you ever broken out in a cold sweat when you realized you were more than a mile from the nearest fast-food restaurant?
  • Is there a restraining order against you from the Association of All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants?
  • On a recent Caribbean cruise, did the captain order you to stay in the center of the ship?
  • Do your picnics in the country involve renting a trailer?
  • Does the left side of your car seem to bottom out a lot?
  • Does your street always seem to have more potholes than other streets?

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