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Clean Law Jokes

Here you'll find our clean jokes about the law, including clean lawyer jokes and jokes about judges, court rooms, policemen and other law enforcement officials. Check out today's clean joke about the law.

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Today's Joke About lawyers

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Things You Would Never Know Without The Movies

  • When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
  • If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of year.
  • All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
  • The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him an impossible time limit to finish the job.
  • All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
  • It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
  • The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
  • Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.
  • The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
  • All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
  • If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
  • You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
  • Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.
  • If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or the forthcoming art exhibition.
  • A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
  • When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
  • Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

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