You Know You're Getting Older When:

• Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
• The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
• You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.
• Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
• You get winded playing cards.
• Your children begin to look middle aged.
• You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
• You're still chasing men but can't remember why.
• You join a health club, but don't go.
• You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
• Your mind makes contracts that your body can't keep.
• "25 Years Ago Today", is your favorite part of the newspaper.
• A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
• You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
• You look forward to a dull evening.
• You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals.
• You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
• You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
• Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
• You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.
• After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.
• Dialing long distance wears you out.
• You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.
• You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
• The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.
• You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.
• Your back goes out more often than you do.
• A fortune teller offers to read your face.
• The little gray haired person who you help across the street is your spouse.
• You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
• You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.