Wisdom Learned with Age (Part 1)

• I started with nothing. I still have most of it.
• When did my wild oats turn to prunes and all bran?
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
• All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
• The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.
• I tried to get a life once, but they told me they were out of stock.
• I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
• It was so different before everything changed.
• Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few.